First Bride Meltdown

I mentioned before that FH lives 90 minutes away from me, which is already stressful enough since we only get to see each other once a week, if that much. Compound that problem with wedding planning. Compound that problem with trying to get premarital counseling.

Last night I became really overwhelmed when we extensively discussed who our officiant would be, and who would provide premarital counseling. I felt like this was an inappropriate conversation to have since we rarely see each other and it was a conversation that we could have over the phone. Also, the conversation was stressful after going non-stop all week regarding the reception, photography, and wedding party wear only to spend time with FH trying to perfect yet another detail.

On top of that, although I find premarital counseling a very important detail, it is really not first one my list. My primary objectives before the semester begins is securing our venue (setting the date in stone), finding a dress, and finding the photographer. I feel like once those things fall in place, I can worry about the other important details like premarital counseling, my hair and make up, invites, menu details, etc.

And finally the real nail in the coffin is the difficulty in finding premarital counseling with a spiritual component from someone who can also do our ceremony and can meet on Saturday mornings (since FH's schedule is crazy, we live 90 minutes part, and I will be working and going to school).

I finally said to FH, "I have too many other things to think about!"

He responded "Fine! Then I'll take care of it then. I will call someone on Monday to inquire."

Despite still feeling overwhelmed, I never felt so relieved. It was one less thing I had to research and worry about.  Plus because he works in counseling as a profession, he is very particular about credentials and experience––so this is right up his alley.

While the counseling is important to me, it isn't a priority right now––I know it sounds sad, especially since FH is all about building a marriage for a lifetime rather than investing into a single wedding day. But the reality is, he's not going to plan it (he simply doesn't have internet access at his place, and well, he's a guy––why should he burdened with satin teal or purple placemats?), my mom is also too busy (and would be too stressed anyway), I don't really want a planner because I am a HUGE micro manager as far as details, and our wedding is going to be in less than six months (which requires great speed and precision).

Now that I have one meltdown under my belt, hopefully I will see the next one creeping up for next time (sigh of relief!).

Wedding Planning: Helpful Websites & Software

I feel so privileged to live in the digital age. It makes life SO much easier, especially when you are wedding planning. Here are some tools I have used during my planning:

Firefox Web browser: I am absolutely addicted to the tabs feature which allows you to have multiple web pages open in one window. You can quickly switch back and forth for comparing vendors, themes, etc. The best part about it is that if you eyes get weary, you can exit out of the program and save all of your tabs so that they will appear again when you reopen the browser. Another great feature is that you can bookmark pages (make them "favorites" as it is known for other browsers), add tags (search terms that will help you find the pages later), and a bookmark and history search feature that makes it easier to find the web pages you have visited. I only started using the tags a couple of weeks into my research and wish that I had made better use of this sooner! I am not certain about features for the other browsers but I am definitely sold on this one.


Keynote (like PowerPoint but for Mac): This is a great program to click and drag (or copy and paste) web images onto a page and organize them into a collage. You can have an unlimited amount of slides. I have created multiple files with slides reserved for different topics like a file for bridal gowns, another for reception themes, another for wedding party etc. The great thing is that you can export the file as a PDF allowing you to e-mail it to friends, family, and your wedding party. It is also a fairly good program to use if you don't have Adobe InDesign and you want to compile a save-the-date and/or invites and other cool things.

Adobe InDesign & Illustrator: My other heavy addictions––InDesign can be used as a great collage maker as well. This is one of the most flexible programs for designing almost anything you can imagine in terms of invites, save-the-dates, ceremony programs––anything your heart can dream up. This program Illustrator works great with InDesign and creates great graphics to use in your InDesign creations. You can export your Illustrator creations as regular jpegs, png, gif, etc files so that the graphics can be e-mailed, uploaded to the web, or used in other programs.

Google: Although Google, in my opinion, not as brilliant in search results as it was five years ago, it is still my primary search engine. The key to getting great search results is to try a variety to search terms to get the best results. For example I have been looking for affordable Philadelphia photographers. One of my first searches was "Philadelphia Photographers" which yielded the higher-cost photographers and very few websites I was actually interested in. I thought to do another search for students at area schools so I searched for "Philadelphia art institute + photojournalism." When you can maximize your creativity in which search terms you can research, you will maximize your results (or eliminate the unhelpful words). Another cool Google feature is the images search where you can search for images based upon color, which is great when you are seeking out items to match your color scheme.

Wedding Sites (like Brides.com, Theknot.com, DavidsBridals.com etc): These sites are not only great for getting ideas, but they also have their own bookmark features where you can the save your inspiring findings without having to save them to a separate collage. I love this feature because it only takes a matter of logging in and clicking a simple link to save an image.

Etsy: This site is great for getting inspiration, finding supplies (particularly if you have a small scale DIY project), buying handmade/homemade/natural products, and getting great deals on jewelry, clothing, and your other wedding necessities. You can also find DIY templates and kits as well. The great part is that many of the artists and crafters ofter custom ordering, fulfilling your hearts desires. Sometimes I end up spending hours on this website alone, drooling over the possibilities.

Blogs: Whether you get attached to particular blogs or you start one of your own, both are useful and sometimes give you a much needed break from all the planning stuff. Starting your own blog makes it easier to upload pictures and share them with your friends and family (without having to send HUGE files).

Reading blogs is great for inspiration and finding brides who have the same struggles and frustrations you do. I have found blogs like:

• www.weddingbee.com
• www.apracticalwedding.com
• http://idoweddings.wordpress.com
• www.thebrokeassbride.com

Numbers (like Excel for Mac): This is a great program for compiling your guest lists, seating charts, and budget––and they great part about it is that you can include everything in one file on separate worksheets so that you don't go insane trying to track different file names. I have also used it to save different versions of our guest lists and seating charts within one file so that we have a running history of everything.

Brides: The New Surfer Dudettes

Being a Cali girl, I quickly realized that you can't really surf in the Atlantic Ocean, hence why I am so surprised to find myself riding a monstrous Pacific-ocean wave––also known as wedding planning. Ah the woes of riding the waves total excitement to total dismay when you find something really great, then realize that:

a. it's just ain't gonna happen (excuse my English)
b. it simply doesn't exist
c. it will cost you an arm...a leg...a foot...
d. it was never a practical idea to begin with

I am definitely feeling the woes of "d." Let me back track a little bit. This week I have been SO thrilled when I discovered that the venue of my dreams was now affordable because of our extra small entourage (a.k.a. guest list of 25).  It solved the problem of parking (HUGE Philly problem), taking photos, and being in close proximity of the ceremony site. Plus only $100 deposit and required AND they had a brunch option. Fast forward to a couple of hours ago when I called the venue back to square out some important questions including would they have space to set up a buffet in the room. And the answer was NO––the room was too small .

Why do I insist on having a buffet instead of a limited menu? First off because I LOVE buffets because of the variety, because you can go up for seconds thirds, etc, and probably most of all because you don't have to wait for your food to be prepared. I have been to my share of weddings where you had to wait between the reception and ceremony or actually wait for the food to be prepared. Waiting means grumbling stomach. Waiting means annoyance. Waiting means an unhappy grumpy bride. I have a bad history of becoming an all out pouting, growling, borderline-hypoglycemic, pathetic mess. My FH is not nearly as bad, but he does get really quiet and his energy drops as well.

After mourning the idea of the buffet, I reviewed the menu again and frowned again at the lunch menu (which is too ritzy and "stuff" for me), then looked at the brunch banquet again, trying to conjure up a plan. After talking to my mother she said that it was best to be creative and ask a lot of questions about my options. She also said that I really need to make other appointments as well.

Feeling a little better, I realized that I was only severely disappointed because I had the wrong expectation. An ultra small room could never hold a full buffet. Lesson learned. So I will have to opt for the limited menu (a few choices for the guests to choose from) with pasteries served while we are waiting for the food to be made. Not ideal, but better then my sugar levels plummeting.

10 Ways Why Reducing Your Wedding Budget Makes for a Better Celebration

Has your fiance ever said this to you in your planning stages: "I am afraid you're planning a wedding that we can't afford"? This could possibly become your worst fear because:

A. You thought the same thing.
B. You fear what a cheaper wedding would look like.
C. You won't have the wedding I always dreamed of and resent it (or him).
D. You realize that your combined income does not total the amount someone has spent on their wedding.

What can you do? How can you pull off a decent, not-cheap-looking, wedding that was well under $5,000, well under the reduced cost of $10,000.

Source

It may be extremely difficult, but you may have to listen to your gut and cut back significantly--after all, you don't want to have to take out a second mortgage or borrow again your retirement fund to pay for one day.

The is a real example of a budget a couple had initially, then the reconfigured budget that was much more realistic.

ORIGINAL BUDGET:

Wedding Dress    $500 to $1,000

Photography    $1,000 to $1,500

Rings    $500

Church    $500

Reception Hall    $1,000

Reception Food    $1,575 to $3,500

Cake    $300

Flowers    $100 to $300

Transportation    $250   

Tux    $200   to   $300

Officiant’s Fee    $100

Wedding Party Gifts    $100  to  $250

Make-up & Hair    $100   to   $400

Bachelors/Bachelorette Party    $250   to   $500

Rehearsal Dinner    $250   to   $400

Honeymoon    $1,000  to    $2,000

Invitations    $200  to    $400

Marriage License    $80

GRAND TOTAL    $8,005   to   $13,280 (based on 70 guests)

NEW BUDGETt:

Wedding Dress    $200

Photography    $250

Rings    $150

Church    n/a

Reception Hall      n/a

Reception Food    $875

Cake    $150

Flowers      n/a

Transportation    $150

Tux    $150

Officiant’s Fee    $25

Wedding Party Gifts      n/a

Make-up & Hair    $30

Bachelors/Bachelorette Party      n/a

Rehearsal Dinner      n/a

Honeymoon    $500

Invitations    $20

Marriage License    $80

GRAND TOTAL: $2,580 (based on 25 guests)

At first glimpse it seems rather drastic, but given the fact that she was graduate school student, not working full-time he worked in social services, and neither of their sets of parents wanted to pitch in, for this couple this was much more realistic. In the end, they ended up not getting married (not because of the budget lol), but there are very good things that came of this budget adjustment:

1. It reduced the amounts of guests.
You are probably wondering why in the world this is an advantage, but one of the first keys to cutting your wedding costs is to cut your guest lists, This couple's original guest list had 130. About 35 of that amount were children. The groom to be immediately eliminated the children. Secondly, they eliminated non-family members, which brought down their number to 70, which was definitely doable. Finally, they narrowed it down to immediate family plus the wedding party which brought them down to 25. Twenty-five people at even $30 a head would be well under $1,000. You might think: well what about all of the important people? The key is to really sit down and invite those who mean the most to you, not people you may not even know in five years.

2. A smaller headcount opens the doors for restaurants, uncommon spaces, and expensive venues.
Some reception venues have a very low capacity, which is great for extra small weddings. Because the you have less people, you can spend up to $50 without breaking the bank, allowing for a very elegant reception at a ritzy place that you would have not have been able to afford with a much larger group. Another added bonus is that sometimes the smaller spaces have a much lower minimum purchase requirement than a bigger place, if any at all.

3. It creates an intimate environment.
With this couple the groom wanted a small, sweet, elegant, intimate wedding to begin with, while the bride wanted a big celebration that was elegant but cost effective. She realized the reality of the situation and compromised. They were both able to sleep at night realizing that they didn't need to go into debt.

4. You don't have to worry about parking.
You now have access to those awkwardly located places that are in the middle of a busy city or that have limited parking (which is rampant in all of Philadelphia and other major cities). Your guests could carpool and you will probably save a ton on parking, if you don't receive free parking or valet.

5. Buffet or Sit Down––either one works.
There is no big deal about what type of meal it should be since either way you will save on having to hire additional waiters/attendants for your small group. You also may be able to save a great deal on the alcohol by simply ordering a few bottles of wine, rather than having an open bar for a couple hundred people.

6. Less Invitations and favors/gifts
You can either go all out in this area (especially if many of your guests or couples or families) or simply reduce the cost.

7. More time to Spend with Your Guests
Instead of wasting precious eating time thanking each of your guests individually for their attendance, you will now be able to actually dine with them if you so desire.

8. Save on Entertainment and/or sound system
Unless you plan on cutting the rug with your small group, you can forgo a dj/band/musician(s) and simply settle for background music.

9. Save on your Cake
You may be able to save a hefty amount on your cake since it is only feeding a small amount, or forgo the cake and instead opt for cupcakes, the dessert tray, or skip the cake altogether. If you aren't having all of the other festivities like tossing the bouquet, the first dance, garter toss, etc., then no one is going to look for a big to-do with the cake.

10. Save on photography
If you have a short ceremony and do all of the "fancy stuff" (cake cutting, first dance etc) at the very beginning of the reception, you will probably save a bunch in your photography fees––instead of 5 hours of coverage, you will have more like 2-3 if you can find a photographer willing to compromise. You can also always do your wedding portraits AFTER the big day. Just think, you won't have all of the nervousness and stress after the big day. You can just relax and enjoy one another, which makes for better pictures.

So the bottom line is a HUGE savings all around. Plus, if you still want to go all out, you reap the benefits of marriage AND get to save for a bigger celebration, the one that you do want, in the near future.


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Marquita Bell is the founder and product developer for The Body Buffet and lead photographer for Divine Image Photography. When she isn’t making soap or editing pictures, she is practicing more simplistic, sustainable, natural, greener living from food to spending habits. She loves sharing her frugal and simplistic adventures in hopes of inspiring others to improve their overall health and wellbeing for themselves, others, and the environment. In her spare time she enjoys refuting the term tree-hugger (how her best friend labels her) and explaining how she likes to “flirt” with veganism.

What Makes Us Not-So-Average?

Why did we start this blog? Because we feel as though not-so-average brides are often left out of the "main-stream" wedding planning, as they are in most aspects of "main-stream" life. 

By not-so-average we mean brides who aren't apt to go after the latest trends, vegan brides, tree-hugger brides, eco-friendly brides--basically all of the women out there who don't want to allow their wedding to consume them and want simplicity and a rustic elegance. Those who dare to be unique and cater their big day to themselves and their partners; not aiming to please everyone else.

Join us on this journey of sticking to the basics, and planning your unity of love.

While we will focus a lot on local Philly businesses, including our own, we believe that a lot of the information provided could benefit any bride living any where. The Body Buffet emphasizes getting back to the basics: handmade, local ingredients, natural ingredients, and eco-friendly packaging. You don't have to be a tree-hugger, vegan, or anything else to go back to the basics. We believe in taking one step at a time and choosing how you want to either change or maintain a healthier, greener life.

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Photo credit: http://ristovski.com.au/baby/images/clipart_bride.bmp