Enter in FH. FH is one of five children––he has two younger sisters and two older brothers. Plus he had two really good friends. I was ecstatic! The perfect number for a fair-sized wedding party. Hmm. Or so I thought. We talked about the wedding party well before we got engaged, but when it came to putting pen to paper and finalizing our guest list he automatically axed his estranged brother who refused to face their father who he hadn't spoken to in years. Then he axed all of the rest of his siblings and one of his friends, feeling as though they would be uninterested or it would be too much of a hassle coordinating everyone. I was DEVASTATED! The only one left remaining was his best friend. I immediately feared the worse––a lopsided wedding party EEK! Who would I keep, who would I eliminate? I decided to include my closest cousins. Plus he didn't want his niece or nephew in the wedding either.
Then another ball dropped. Our wedding was suddenly moved up from November to May. EEK! And our guest list, originally 130, then 100, then 70, would now have to be scaled back to immediate family members of less than 30. I couldn't have all of my cousins because I would also have to invite their significant others and their kids. Plus, now with the group so small, there was no real need for the wedding party. My dreams of a substantial wedding party were totally annihilated.
But after pondering the situation over a few days, I was really honest with myself and considered the situation of my FH. Neither one of us really had close reliable friends––wasn't that what a wedding party was supposed to be for? Not just for the sake of having one? He would only have a best man (and even that was only because he was his friend's best man and his friend insisted on being one), so I decided to only choose one leading lady. But who would that possibly be? It would have to be someone who was like a sister to me since my own sister wasn't there on my big day. It would have to be someone who knew me better than most people and could really relate to me. Who other than the one whom I started calling my sister-cuz? I was elated with this idea. It was full of meaning and purpose, and not just being I wanted to have her be in the wedding, but because I wanted someone who was close and supportive.
It took a few weeks to transform my mind from thinking about what a wedding party is supposed to consisted be according to tradition and industry standards. But have me and my FH done anything traditional and via the "norm" during our entire relationship? No, not one bit. As much as I accuse him of being an anomaly, an odd ball, an-against-the-grain-sort-of-guy, I am actually the same way, though silent in my rebellion most of the time. We have an atypical wedding budget, we met atypically, we have led an atypical relationship which has mostly consisted of cell phone calls, I have an atypical ring––there are a lot of things that can't even make a blip on the "normal" radar.
I even Googled uneven wedding parties to have a further peace of mind––there were people who had guys for MOHs, people who had more guys than gals and vise versa, and there were people who had no wedding party at all. Despite the reassurance, I began to lament again about not having a real bachelorette party or bridal shower––but again the reality was I am not from Philly, I have moved all around the county, my friends are scattered, and even those I do call friends, we only have a limited relationship. I felt (and still very much feel) "cheated" in many ways. But again, this is all only because of what the wedding "norm" says what you are supposed to have. I hope to look back on all of this and simply laugh, and share it with young girls who conjure up all of these ideas of what a wedding should be. I hope that my wedding and marriage is far more meaningful than all of the trimmings.
The best thing about this whole ordeal is that FH gets what he wanted all along––a small wedding. I am starting to buy into the whole idea and am even thinking about having an outside ceremony.
Some other great advantages with a small wedding party include:
- less picture taking––there are a lot less combinations of photos to take when there are only a few people
- specialized wedding party attire––you can now select the attire (dress, tux, colors) to tailor to your participants so that they can feel the most comfortable
- reduce thank-you gift costs––now you only have to worry about getting gifts for a couple of people (if you choose to get gifts at all) and the gifts than you can give can be very personalized or you can opt for a full out spa day now since you only have to fit the bill for a small group
- not a major need for a rehearsal dinner, or having a short rehearsal––with less people to coordinate it may theoretically take less time to prep for the ceremony
- less flowers (if any)––now you can slice down your flower budget because there are so few bridesmaids
- less cooks in the kitchen––while lots of help can be great sometimes, other times it just means that there are too many opinions to choose from, which can be very stressful in an already stressful process.
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