Guest List Wars: Part 2

Just when I thought the cost was clear, earlier this week FH put another thorn in my side––he decided to invite his six cousins after all. DOH! I asked him a series of questions to make sure it wasn't him just folding under pressure, but he seemed to have thought it through and came to a reasonable decision. He said that even if they didn't come (especially since his one cousin just had a baby), it would still be good to invite them.

I cringed a little bit. While I love his cousins, the thought of adding five more people maxes out our guest list (I really wanted to leave a couple extra seats just in case, particularly for our officiant). Also, I liked the idea of less people, only because the room is so small. So instead of being cozy, it looks like it is going to be snug. Also, that means that I will have  to account for at least three more invites, which doesn't seem like a lot, but it is if I plan on making them by hand. The funny part is that the extra costs ($30 x 5 =$150), didn't alarm me at all. It is just that with five extra guests I would have to be mindful of the additions effecting things like the number of place cards, favors etc.

On the other hand I am glad we are maxed out, because it means that we can't possibly invite anyone else, which makes it even easier to say no, since it's just not possible.  It turns out that booking a small venue helps alleviate some of the common planning pressures after all. I think I will feel better about the people who aren't coming when we have more of an idea of how to include them later.

Guest List Wars: Part 1

After putting a deposit down a couple of weeks ago, FH and I made phone calls to our family members to inform them of our date. FH unfortunately got corned for four hours by his mother who asked a bunch of questions the groom is likely not well-versed on (like a theme, colors, etc). Also, FH being the nice guy that he is, felt overwhelmed when his mother questioned him about why he wasn't inviting his cousins and trying to guilt trip him because his cousins were like siblings and didn't really have other family (with one of their mother passed away, and their dad MIA). Ironically enough, I originally asked FH the same thing, but we decided that if we invited his closest cousins, we would be obligated to invite mine, especially since my cousins would actually be in town, while his would have to travel to get here.

His mother also was adamant about having a gathering at her house that afternoon for lunch, since our festivities would be so early and people would have the rest of the day available. FH being the nice guy, didn't make any decisions, and said that he would have to clear it with me––which translated into me having to call his mother. Awkward. FH even begged me to handle it, because it was all too overwhelming (which I thought was extra cute because he has never begged for anything). So I did it. I call my future mother-in-law.

At first I was excited at the possibility of perhaps having a bigger celebration at her house with all the family that we couldn't invite, but it turns out that she wanted to do something very minimal (so much for that!).  I explained the whole guest list situation as well and how our venue only held so many people, which she seemed to understand. I also explained that we weren't requesting our families, particularly our parents to wear our specific colors (I could care less about that, particularly since our guest list is less than 30 people anyway), which she also seemed please about.

So the fire was extinguished and FH and I were both smiling again, and relieved that we were able to stick to our decisions, and be okay with them. I am worried about having to tell my mother's family that they are invited to a later celebration. This is why I want to get our other celebration listed on the calendar as soon as possible, but until we really know our budget after the wedding that just isn't possible.

I was able to break the news to my former pastor who lives in California. I was relieved when she said she wasn't sure that they could make it anyway on such short notice. She did express that she wanted to still receive an invite for a memento. Now that was doable.

Second Go-See

FH came down a couple of Saturdays ago for his first and my second go-see of the venue. I was a little nervous because I knew this visit would determine whether or not we took the next step in putting the deposit down. I was almost certain that he would love it––it was all of the things that he wanted––it was intimate, beautiful, and affordable.

The only hang-up I had was that we had a bad experience within the park (not at the actual venue). To make a long story short, we ended up having a huge blow-up argument and I left him where he was in the park without a cell phone or money (which I wasn't aware of at the time. It turns out he left everything in my car). About five hours later, after I frantically searched for him and it grew dark, he arrived at my aunt's apartment (a couple of miles away), dehydrated (majorly bad since he is a diabetic) and drenched in sweat. Still to this day I have never been able to live it down (and my family even teases me!). And while we have been to the park a couple of other times and have good memories, of course the bad and the ugly trumps them all. So needless to say, I was a bit nervous.

He checked out the inside and outside and seemed pleased. I secretly breathed a sigh of relief. He wanted to sit on a bench overlooking the river, ducks, and geese. Although it was a bit chilly, and the trees were bare, it was still a beautiful park even in the winter. For the first time, as we sat in silence, I noticed the sound of the river and thought about how pleasant that would be on our wedding day.

Then a woman walked by with a nice camera. I stopped her and asked if she took wedding photos, but it turns out that she was just a student, barely learning the ropes. She did, however, give us an impromptu engagement shoot as we sat on the bench. She had to take portraits for her class assignment, and we became her perfect muse. She gave us her e-mail so that we could get the pics later (we are still waiting for them), so hopefully we we get to see them, even if they don't turn out so well.

So all turned out well, plus the added bonus of a photo shoot. I am glad that we can check the biggest item off our list and finally set a date. I am also glad for the opportunity to "redeem" myself in the form of exchanging vows and promising to never leave. In that aspect I am glad we will be able to trump an awful experience with a wonderful one.

Dress Shopping - Finding "the one"

I don't have an enchanting story about finding "the dress." Maybe it would be a more emotional story if my mother had been there or if my aunt and cousin started balling (I made sure that they didn't), or maybe if the dress was the most important thing on my check-off list. Even when I had a larger budget, the dress wasn't the most important thing to me––if you recall from an earlier post, I was all ready to rent my dress but FH was totally opposed. So now that my budget became even smaller, it became all about finding the one that fits everything––my budget and me.

I decided to start out with David's Bridal since they are very reasonable with their prices and I saw quite a few styles that I liked in their catalog. We were a little early for our appointment so we spent a few minutes looking at bridesmaids dresses. Then Erin greeted us, and seemed friendly enough. We sat down and I showed her the dresses that my aunt and I marked off from DB's catalog and she whisked dresses in and I began to try them on.

The first time I looked at myself in a gown I was baffled. I guess that while I daydreamed about getting married, looking stunning, the whole nine yards, I never actually saw myself in a dress or really any dress. I wear so few dresses, particularly formal ones, that I never really thought about how I would look. So when I saw myself it was a little weird, and to make it even stranger, I was wearing a strapless dress which did nothing for my figure (I looked fat! The worse!). Erin saw that I totally wasn't feeling the strapless and opted for sleeves from then on.

I also wasn't feeling the "poofy" skirt––I wanted to steer clear of too much fabric, particularly when it came to the train. I also was a HUGE fan of cap sleeves until I saw them in action (POUT!).

I loved the simplicity of this dress (see below) but it just didn't do it for me. My cousin came up with the perfect rating for the dresses, stolen from Coldstone's sizes: "Like it," "Love it," or "Gotta Have It." This was barely on the like it scale.

We did figure out that I really like the v-neck (which I always enjoy because it accentuates the right places. Then we tried mixed the cap sleeves with the regular sleeves. This was probably one of the worse ones I tried on (see below). This was definitely a hot mess.

Next up was opting for a halter top, which I was initially a HUGE fan of. But it was a bit much (too sexy) for my wedding day. Plus I didn't like the large jewels.

The next dress was the definitely almost the icing on the cake. And it was the first time I considered a longer veil (I was originally just going to do a birdcage veil). It was gorgeous!

The next dress was also a close call too, I just didn't like how the halter part of it sat so high. You can see how I added the brooch as an accent to the dress, which I really liked.

Hmmm...this off the shoulder dress looked almost identical to the dress in one of my collages. I toyed around the the prospect of this one.

My face lit up when they laced it up in the back so that it fit more snugly. Surprisingly enough I wasn't into laced backing (or whatever it's called) but it worked for me because it really gave the dress shape.

So this is the dress. I opted for the other veil so that I could incorporate color into my dress. In the pic it's red, but I ordered it in lilac.

The greatest part about it is that I met my budget of $300. The original price was $350, so I received $50 off. I did break the bank on the veil––a whopping $179. I know that it competes with the price of the dress, but it is a splurge that i didn't mind taking because it was one of the veils that I probably wouldn't be able to DIY, so I decided that it was a good investment. I did end up getting the undergarments and shoes from them as well. So my total ended up being $626.

Another pleasant surprise was that my aunt strong armed my dad to pay for everything. YAY! I will still have to pay for the alterations (mostly in the sleeves) and cleaning, so I will have to research my options (I hear DB is a bit pricey when it comes to that stuff).

What I LOVED about dress shopping was the undergarments. They felt so comfy and snug that I almost felt comfortable enough to wear them as outer wear!

The unfortunate thing about the whole day was coming home to find out that FH hit a deer :-(. I am glad he is okay. His car wasn't destroyed (thank God for older vehicles that are still made of steel). I was really sad that I didn't get him to tell him that I found the dress (is that selfish?). I was also sad because it is another expense out of his already small budget that may come out of our photog budget.

Despite the bad news, I am still relatively happy to get a major item checked off my list. Tomorrow I get to check off the venue, and hopefully the photography in a couple of weeks. YAY!

Mini-Moon

When I first heard the term it was much like brides-to-be using the term "STD" freely (which is save-the-dates if you don't know). The funny thing is that my plan for our honey moon happened to be a mini-moon, before I even knew the proper term. A mini-moon is basically a scaled back honeymoon that is just a couple of days rather than a week or more and costs a heck-of-a-lot less.

A mini-moon is budget friendly, since you will only have to miss a couple of days of work and you skip the cost of week-long expenses. Apparently this is becoming more and more popular during this economic crisis, and as couples hold off to save up for the honeymoon of their dreams. The cool thing about the mini-moon is that you can still take off a week for vacation time from work, only have a couple of days out of town, then spend the rest of the time home, resting, settling into your place as a married couple.

The other great thing about the mini-moon is that if your families want to contribute to your wedding, but can't pay for an extravagant trip, they could fit all or a good part of the bill since it will only be a few hundred dollars (if that much).

A mini-moon doesn't even have to be out of town. You can easily rent a suite in an upscale part of town and splurge on room service, the spa, and great restaurants. Just as long as you are away from your normal stresses and can enjoy one another, a mini-moon can basically be anywhere.

I am not sure where our mini-moon will be. FH really wants to be at a beach, and I want to go where I haven't been yet. We are thinking Florida might be the best route, and perhaps California. Of course my opinions may change in the next couple of months as we finalize our plans. I guess I am not so particular about where we go, just that we are together, having fun, and enjoying each other as newly weds.

I do have ideas about our future honeymoon though. After seeing the movie A Good Woman (?? I think), I fell in LOVE with the Amalfi located in Italy. I am also enamored with Fiji, Greece, and the Dominican Republic. Another romantic thing to do would be spending a week in the mountains in a cabin. There is still so much of the world to see, and I am excited about seeing it with FH :-).

First Bride Meltdown

I mentioned before that FH lives 90 minutes away from me, which is already stressful enough since we only get to see each other once a week, if that much. Compound that problem with wedding planning. Compound that problem with trying to get premarital counseling.

Last night I became really overwhelmed when we extensively discussed who our officiant would be, and who would provide premarital counseling. I felt like this was an inappropriate conversation to have since we rarely see each other and it was a conversation that we could have over the phone. Also, the conversation was stressful after going non-stop all week regarding the reception, photography, and wedding party wear only to spend time with FH trying to perfect yet another detail.

On top of that, although I find premarital counseling a very important detail, it is really not first one my list. My primary objectives before the semester begins is securing our venue (setting the date in stone), finding a dress, and finding the photographer. I feel like once those things fall in place, I can worry about the other important details like premarital counseling, my hair and make up, invites, menu details, etc.

And finally the real nail in the coffin is the difficulty in finding premarital counseling with a spiritual component from someone who can also do our ceremony and can meet on Saturday mornings (since FH's schedule is crazy, we live 90 minutes part, and I will be working and going to school).

I finally said to FH, "I have too many other things to think about!"

He responded "Fine! Then I'll take care of it then. I will call someone on Monday to inquire."

Despite still feeling overwhelmed, I never felt so relieved. It was one less thing I had to research and worry about.  Plus because he works in counseling as a profession, he is very particular about credentials and experience––so this is right up his alley.

While the counseling is important to me, it isn't a priority right now––I know it sounds sad, especially since FH is all about building a marriage for a lifetime rather than investing into a single wedding day. But the reality is, he's not going to plan it (he simply doesn't have internet access at his place, and well, he's a guy––why should he burdened with satin teal or purple placemats?), my mom is also too busy (and would be too stressed anyway), I don't really want a planner because I am a HUGE micro manager as far as details, and our wedding is going to be in less than six months (which requires great speed and precision).

Now that I have one meltdown under my belt, hopefully I will see the next one creeping up for next time (sigh of relief!).

Wedding Planning: Helpful Websites & Software

I feel so privileged to live in the digital age. It makes life SO much easier, especially when you are wedding planning. Here are some tools I have used during my planning:

Firefox Web browser: I am absolutely addicted to the tabs feature which allows you to have multiple web pages open in one window. You can quickly switch back and forth for comparing vendors, themes, etc. The best part about it is that if you eyes get weary, you can exit out of the program and save all of your tabs so that they will appear again when you reopen the browser. Another great feature is that you can bookmark pages (make them "favorites" as it is known for other browsers), add tags (search terms that will help you find the pages later), and a bookmark and history search feature that makes it easier to find the web pages you have visited. I only started using the tags a couple of weeks into my research and wish that I had made better use of this sooner! I am not certain about features for the other browsers but I am definitely sold on this one.


Keynote (like PowerPoint but for Mac): This is a great program to click and drag (or copy and paste) web images onto a page and organize them into a collage. You can have an unlimited amount of slides. I have created multiple files with slides reserved for different topics like a file for bridal gowns, another for reception themes, another for wedding party etc. The great thing is that you can export the file as a PDF allowing you to e-mail it to friends, family, and your wedding party. It is also a fairly good program to use if you don't have Adobe InDesign and you want to compile a save-the-date and/or invites and other cool things.

Adobe InDesign & Illustrator: My other heavy addictions––InDesign can be used as a great collage maker as well. This is one of the most flexible programs for designing almost anything you can imagine in terms of invites, save-the-dates, ceremony programs––anything your heart can dream up. This program Illustrator works great with InDesign and creates great graphics to use in your InDesign creations. You can export your Illustrator creations as regular jpegs, png, gif, etc files so that the graphics can be e-mailed, uploaded to the web, or used in other programs.

Google: Although Google, in my opinion, not as brilliant in search results as it was five years ago, it is still my primary search engine. The key to getting great search results is to try a variety to search terms to get the best results. For example I have been looking for affordable Philadelphia photographers. One of my first searches was "Philadelphia Photographers" which yielded the higher-cost photographers and very few websites I was actually interested in. I thought to do another search for students at area schools so I searched for "Philadelphia art institute + photojournalism." When you can maximize your creativity in which search terms you can research, you will maximize your results (or eliminate the unhelpful words). Another cool Google feature is the images search where you can search for images based upon color, which is great when you are seeking out items to match your color scheme.

Wedding Sites (like Brides.com, Theknot.com, DavidsBridals.com etc): These sites are not only great for getting ideas, but they also have their own bookmark features where you can the save your inspiring findings without having to save them to a separate collage. I love this feature because it only takes a matter of logging in and clicking a simple link to save an image.

Etsy: This site is great for getting inspiration, finding supplies (particularly if you have a small scale DIY project), buying handmade/homemade/natural products, and getting great deals on jewelry, clothing, and your other wedding necessities. You can also find DIY templates and kits as well. The great part is that many of the artists and crafters ofter custom ordering, fulfilling your hearts desires. Sometimes I end up spending hours on this website alone, drooling over the possibilities.

Blogs: Whether you get attached to particular blogs or you start one of your own, both are useful and sometimes give you a much needed break from all the planning stuff. Starting your own blog makes it easier to upload pictures and share them with your friends and family (without having to send HUGE files).

Reading blogs is great for inspiration and finding brides who have the same struggles and frustrations you do. I have found blogs like:

• www.weddingbee.com
• www.apracticalwedding.com
• http://idoweddings.wordpress.com
• www.thebrokeassbride.com

Numbers (like Excel for Mac): This is a great program for compiling your guest lists, seating charts, and budget––and they great part about it is that you can include everything in one file on separate worksheets so that you don't go insane trying to track different file names. I have also used it to save different versions of our guest lists and seating charts within one file so that we have a running history of everything.

Finding the Perfect Photog Part II: 3 Great Tips

Today I didn't end up cleaning my room like I had planned to do, or making skin moisturizer either. Instead, I spent the last seven hours combing the net for photographers.  I freaked out yesterday when I realized just how important photography is to me, and how I am will to spend a whole lot more than a measly $600 if I have to if it means getting really nice photos.

Really nice photos don't come cheap though. Many packages have a base price of $2,500 to $3,000 and sometimes that price doesn't even include digital negatives. Are they living in the same economy I am? I am thinking though of upping my budget to $1,000 to $2,000. I will try to get our parents to contribute 25% to 50% of the amount, which would be a HUGE help (we will see if this happens). Even if they don't I think I am willing to forgo taking all but one summer class, just so I use the extra money toward the photography amount. There are some places that do financing though, so I may not have to worry about that.


While searching, I made quite a few mistakes during my initial research (especially since it was so hard to find articles on the web in researching). So here is a list of tips on researching photogs (whether you are on a budget or not):

1. Devote Plenty of time to your research
Devote plenty of (frustrating) hours of finding photographers in your area. This may be easier for some areas than others. Also, the upload times on many of these sites take a long time unless you have super duper internet speed (but even then, if your service provider caps you on a certain amount you can upload each month, you may want to opt seeking out someone who have unlimited). Some great sites to start out with:

• Facebook pages & groups: while I only landed a couple of hits on here, the great part is that you can often message the photographer on the spot and see some of their work uploaded in albums, which you will be able to upload a lot faster since Facebook caps the size of their photos
  
• Flickr groups, pro & individuals: many professionals and novices have photos listed on Flickr and a contact e-mail and in some cases an actual web address that will lead you to more of their work. Just watch out for the dates when they last posted. One person I found hadn't posted for two years and likely moved, or may have not been taking pictures at all.
  
• Local photography associations:  One website I visited was specifically for photojournalists (which tends to run a bit more sometimes). The great part is that the prices were listed and there were links provided to their websites. Click here to view.
• Friends, family, co-workers, associates, peers who have had recent photography: Whether you inquire on Facebook, via e-mail, or face-to-face, find out who provided their photography. Most people are willing to share that info. Don't forget to mention who referred you and make sure you find out if they have ever done weddings. If they have not, don't risk it.
  
• Photography or photojournalism students: Look around at the local colleges, post some listings––you may find great aspiring photographers. If they have a decent portfolio and references, it could be a good steal. Just make sure, as with anyone else, get a contract in writing.
  
• Decidio: I discovered this website during a Google search: affordable photography Philadelphia and this site provided me with an entire page of results that I couldn't even get through tonight.
  
• Google: play with different search terms to see what you come up with. When you get frustrated, keep trying. I was about to give up when I discovered Decidio through a search.
• Reception & Ceremony site preferred/recommended photogs:  It is worth the inquiry to see what these photogs have to offer, especially since they have actually covered an event at your venue.
  
• Knot.com, Brides.com etc (as a last resort): While these sites offer (over-priced) options, it is a great place to start to view different photography styles just to see what you would like for your own wedding. That way it makes it much easier to sift through the pile

Don't forget to expand your search to statewide or if you have close neighboring states. If you are in a optimum location like Philadelphia, you can seek photographers in PA, NJ, and DE as prospects. Some of them have small fees to travel outside of a certain radius, which may be minimal and not offensive to your budget if they have excellent photography and packages. The only down side is that the photog may or may not be familiar with the area in getting around or with your reception/ceremony/photo shoot site.

2.  Research dates of availability and prices first before falling in love with a photographer.
I know it sounds obvious but I learned this the hard way after falling in love with a photographer's photos, e-mailing, and finding out that she was already booked. Then in other cases I would practically have drool all over the screen before I realized that the average package was $2,500 or higher. Don't let the price completely deter you though. Some are willing to sell their services a la carte, particularly if you know you just want a couple of hours of coverage and only a CD––that can cut your budget dramatically. I find that the easier way to approach the site is by skimming their photos just to make sure their style is consistent and plentiful, then looking for their availability (if they have it listed) and finally looking at their prices.



3. Have all of your info ready e-mail so you don't have to send e-mails back and forth.
So it is probably a good idea to make sure your date is set in stone as far as your venue and ceremony site (unless for some reason you want to plan everything around the photog's schedule). Include the:

• date of your event (this should be the first thing you mention, that way if they aren't available, they can stop reading)
  
• the place and address of the ceremony and/or reception (include city, state, and zip)
• what type of services and/or packages you are looking for (number of hours, 1 or 2 photogs, video, copyright, digital negatives, albums etc)
• your budget (within reason! make sure if you want something significantly less, mention that you want less coverage hours––like 2-3 hours instead of 5 etc; don't insult them!)
• questions you may have
• who/what referred you
  
• your contact info (if you want to be contacted via phone)
  

Don't write a novel but don't be too short or frank either. Be gentle and courteous. Mention a line about how you admire their work––and don't be generic, be specific.

You can also call of course, but if you want to keep a electronic paper trail of all of your research and communications, it it far easier to look for a sent e-mail and/or response than it is to sort through all of your billions of collages, outlines, notes, magazines etc.


I am so glad that I am making progress in this area sooner than later!

Finding the Perfect Photog

So last night I received a great deal in my e-mail for MJS Studios: $595 for 8 hours of photography--a great steal and financing was even available. So I put in a request to be contacted online and I told them to call me after 2 pm today. So after I got off of work I rushed home and found my cell phone (I thought I lost it) only to discovered they had already called and left a message. I was slightly annoyed, but the guy seemed nice enough so I called back to see if I could schedule an appointment.

When I called back, supposedly Tim wasn't available so I talked this other guy who had a really gruffy (and almost creepy) voice who tried to sell me the package on the spot and said the deal was expiring today (mind you that there was no expiration to the coupon they sent). It wasn't a hard sell, but it was enough to leave me disappointed, particularly since I wouldn't know what photographer I'd be working with, nor the style of the wedding until 30 to 60 days out. Plus to have all the photos on disk would be an additional $400 to $600. Plus it did not include an engagement shoot. Originally I was looking to spend $800 to $1,500 when we were going to spend $8,000, but now I am looking for a decent package under $600, especially now since our wedding and guest list has been significantly scaled back.

I kind of guessed it may have been too good to be true, but thought I'd give it a feel anyway. I did learn one important thing about selecting a photographer for us though. I definitely don't like the feel of a big corporate 800-number business taking my photographers. I want to make sure I actually like the person I am working with and can actually see their work before I ever put money down. I don't want to talk into a phone and that be the only means of communication. I want some really classy photos, but after the really nice shots, I just want to let it all hang out.

I really want engagement shoot, but I don't know yet if we can really afford it. It would be nice to have a shoot where we both get super glamorous and take old school pics. Today I had the idea that maybe we can just do our own shoot or get someone we know or do a crazy shoot where we pick places all around the city to take photos and have random people take photos for us. Random places include Chuck E. Cheese where they have awesome photo booth black and white prints, that are not high in quality but are fun and cute. Then we can go to other places like other photo booths, the LOVE sign in Philly and other spots. We'll see how the next couple of months goes as far as our budget.

Well at least I have a clear head going into it. I honestly haven't done a lot of research on photogs yet, so this is still something I need to step up the pace on, especially since it is at the top of important things to accomplish along with the dress and venue.

Thin is in - The (Very Small) Wedding Party

 Many little girls dream about who will be a part of their big day––adding siblings, best friends, favorite cousins etc, to the coveted spot in the bridal party––and I was no different. Since my sister passed away when I was 15, I wondered who would be in my bridal party. I envisioned cousins and a few associates, but I couldn't really think of anyone who I deemed as a good consistent friend who has weathered it all with me. Sure I had a few people in mind, but I knew that it wouldn't be completely authentic.

Enter in FH. FH is one of five children––he has two younger sisters and two older brothers. Plus he had two really good friends. I was ecstatic! The perfect number for a fair-sized wedding party. Hmm. Or so I thought. We talked about the wedding party well before we got engaged, but when it came to putting pen to paper and finalizing our guest list he automatically axed his estranged brother who refused to face their father who he hadn't spoken to in years. Then he axed all of the rest of his siblings and one of his friends, feeling as though they would be uninterested or it would be too much of a hassle coordinating everyone. I was DEVASTATED! The only one left remaining was his best friend. I immediately feared the worse––a lopsided wedding party EEK! Who would I keep, who would I eliminate? I decided to include my closest cousins. Plus he didn't want his niece or nephew in the wedding either.

Then another ball dropped. Our wedding was suddenly moved up from November to May. EEK! And our guest list, originally 130, then 100, then 70, would now have to be scaled back to immediate family members of less than 30. I couldn't have all of my cousins because I would also have to invite their significant others and their kids. Plus, now with the group so small, there was no real need for the wedding party. My dreams of a substantial wedding party were totally annihilated.

But after pondering the situation over a few days, I was really honest with myself and considered the situation of my FH. Neither one of us really had close reliable friends––wasn't that what a wedding party was supposed to be for? Not just for the sake of having one? He would only have a best man (and even that was only because he was his friend's best man and his friend insisted on being one), so I decided to only choose one leading lady. But who would that possibly be? It would have to be someone who was like a sister to me since my own sister wasn't there on my big day. It would have to be someone who knew me better than most people and could really relate to me. Who other than the one whom I started calling my sister-cuz? I was elated with this idea. It was full of meaning and purpose, and not just being I wanted to have her be in the wedding, but because I wanted someone who was close and supportive.

It took a few weeks to transform my mind from thinking about what a wedding party is supposed to consisted be according to tradition and industry standards. But have me and my FH done anything traditional and via the "norm" during our entire relationship? No, not one bit. As much as I accuse him of being an anomaly, an odd ball, an-against-the-grain-sort-of-guy, I am actually the same way, though silent in my rebellion most of the time. We have an atypical wedding budget, we met atypically, we have led an atypical relationship which has mostly consisted of cell phone calls, I have an atypical ring––there are a lot of things that can't even make a blip on the "normal" radar.

I even Googled uneven wedding parties to have a further peace of mind––there were people who had guys for MOHs, people who had more guys than gals and vise versa, and there were people who had no wedding party at all. Despite the reassurance, I began to lament again about not having a real bachelorette party or bridal shower––but again the reality was I am not from Philly, I have moved all around the county, my friends are scattered, and even those I do call friends, we only have a limited relationship. I felt (and still very much feel) "cheated" in many ways. But again, this is all only because of what the wedding "norm" says what you are supposed to have. I hope to look back on all of this and simply laugh, and share it with young girls who conjure up all of these ideas of what a wedding should be. I hope that my wedding and marriage is far more meaningful than all of the trimmings.

The best thing about this whole ordeal is that FH gets what he wanted all along––a small wedding. I am starting to buy into the whole idea and am even thinking about having an outside ceremony.

Some other great advantages with a small wedding party include:

• less picture taking––there are a lot less combinations of photos to take when there are only a few people
• specialized wedding party attire––you can now select the attire (dress, tux, colors) to tailor to your participants so that they can feel the most comfortable
• reduce thank-you gift costs––now you only have to worry about getting gifts for a couple of people (if you choose to get gifts at all) and the gifts than you can give can be very personalized or you can opt for a full out spa day now since you only have to fit the bill for a small group
  
• not a major need for a rehearsal dinner, or having a short rehearsal––with less people to coordinate it may theoretically take less time to prep for the ceremony
• less flowers (if any)––now you can slice down your flower budget because there are so few bridesmaids
• less cooks in the kitchen––while lots of help can be great sometimes, other times it just means that there are too many opinions to choose from, which can be very stressful in an already stressful process.

I am now excited about my one bridesmaid/MOH. Best of all I don't have to split my attention between more than one woman!

The Name Game

Ahhh, to be married with your spouse's last name...isn't this what a girl dreams of, to be Mrs. ______? Turns out, some brides take the road less traveled by keeping their name, hyphenating their name, or in some cases creating a combined name of sorts. I, being a traditionalist in this area, am very adamant about taking my FH's name. I believe that it is a sign of respect and unity, plus, I am trying to run away from my maternal grandmother and great grandmother's act of keeping their maiden names––to me this just causes a lot of confusion for the lineage.

The major thing that stinks about taking on the guy's name is having to change your name on EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE. Ugg! Plus you probably run into at least one person during your lifetime who still remembers you as Miss ______.  With the added convenience of Facebook, this allows you to put both names so it is not so confusing for the people looking for you.

Another thing that stinks is if you go from the beginning of the alphabet to the end like I will be in the next few months. Bummer. I always liked being close to first.

I think that when I change my name I am going to combine my maiden name along with my mothers would-be maiden name (her father's last name she would have had if her mother took the name), as part of my middle name. I got the idea from FH's name––his middle name is actually his mother's maiden name, which I like a lot. From what I can remember, a friend from Mexico said that using both the mother and father's last name as a part of the children's name is standard. I really like this idea because it carries on the family name and gives it history.  Too often a change in name is seen as a loss of identity––I want my change in name to reflect my identity.

I am actually really excited to have his name––I feel like I will be more of a part of him. I get dreamy-eyed just thinking about it. I see giving up my name as part of the many sacrifices that come with uniting two lives. I feel so honored to earn the right to carry his name and have our future family carry his name. I know it will be quite difficult adjusting to, and even writing, but I am definitely up for the challenge!

Dress Shopping - Bride & Bridesmaid

We didn't officially go dress shopping today, but simply perused the racks. My aunt wanted me to try on a couple of dresses, but I was freaked out because it was a Saturday (I read that this is the absolute WORST time to possible try on a dress because this is when most people go), because the place was swarming with people, and because––prep your self for TMI––I hadn't shaved my armpits recently (I know, gross girly move, but can't I get a break? It's winter!).

We mostly glanced around for the the sale prices and the styles that were available. I was very pleased to find that most of the prices were under $600, which was a huge relief considering my budget is only about $300 or so. It was also great to see some dresses in person––looking online and at catalogs just doesn't cut it as far as the detailing. One thing that would have been really useful while looking, would have been tags with a picture of what the dress actually looks like on a bride. Like with many clothes, it's hard to really envision the shape of a dress if it just looks like a big white blob on a hanger.

I was open to having ivory, I found that it was simply too dark. While I don't want a stark white dress, I think something in between ivory and white would be great. I also don't want a train since our ceremony is going to be so small––no need for a lot of extra unnecessary material if I am not planning a grandeur entrance.

I surprised myself by seeing a couple of dresses with tulle––yes I said tulle, the very wedding-y fabric I have been trying to avoid. I am very adamant about not getting the "typical" wedding dress, or extra ruffles, ribbons, lace, and bows that would be ultra girly-girl. I want something that is elegant and chic, not something I could have very easily worn in the 80s or in a princess-Cinderella fairy tale.

I again surprised myself by seeing a couple of all lace dresses, another fabric I was opposed to. I guess it depends on the type of lace and the style of the dress. I think I really like it when the style is more antique, something that I'd like to hint in my wedding (we are both old heads. Even his parents once called us old familiar souls).

I was also happy to see plenty of bigger sizes, though I may not have to try on as big of a size as I thought (18+), but we'll see. I hear the fitting can be tricky.

The only downside to David's Bridal is that while that have many different selections, they don't really have the old-timey dresses that I have seen. Check out this Michael Nolte Candace dress:

I LOVE the front and the back. She is actually wearing a jacket that gives it the key hole backing, hence why I am thinking that if I want a specific look, I may have to opt for the jacket. If I'm not absolutely sold on David's dresses, I will definitely look else where and may even go up to New York to some of the districts they have there.


Bridesmaid Breaking News
If you remember my collages from earlier this week, a black bridesmaid dress was a definite choice for me. After my aunt picked out almost the exact dress that I desired, I cringed. The dress was nice, but didn't "pop" like I thought it would. It looked dull and dead on the hanger. This is FABULOUS news to my maid of honor who said "you're going to have me in black––okay cuz" in a text message after I sent her the collages. The funny thing is that I would have never considered a black dress in the first place had I not seen some beautiful Knot wedding pictures with bridesmaids in black.

I thought it would be a great compliment to the guy's black tuxes, but it looks as though the teal (or "oasis" as defined by David Bridals) would be the better contrast. I am still debating or whether or not the contrast between the teal of the maid of honor and best man, will look okay with me and FH being in purple accents. I think if I stick with the deep purple, I'll be okay.

So excited about the progress that I am making. Maybe I'll be bold enough to make dress fitting on Monday evening if they have an appointment available?

First Go-See!

I was elated to go to my first venue appointment (although it I was annoyed at the whole process of getting there, I almost ended up losing my credit card at the gas station). I call this a go-see, though the term is traditionally used for models. I had mixed feelings going into it (because of the whole buffet thing not happening) so I didn't really know what to expect. I told myself that the friendliness of the coordinator and the menu would be two huge determining factors.

So my aunt and I arrived and the place was as small as I remembered. It was more quaint and intimate than I remembered though. As we waited in the lobby, I peered into the room and envisioned us having our brunch there. It was everything that FH had hoped far––quiet, small, old-school, and quaint, and I was very much on board with that now, given the financial circumstances. I never dreamed of having a small wedding, but now I loved the idea of getting hitched without losing my wallet in the process.

My vision of the fireplace room was slightly shattered since they traditionally reserved the room across from it, which didn't have as much personality, but was doable, especially since it had a long table in which most everyone would be able to sit (me, my FH, and our parents could opt to sit apart from the table). I would have to redo my seating chart, which I set up for the other room (no biggie since it was less than 25 people!).

The coordinator whisked us away to a back room near the patio and bar (also very nice!). I was relieved that they still had the brunch options, would swap out the dessert for the wedding cake at no additional cost, and would charge $100 for an on-site wedding.

I was surprised by the site rental fee (which I didn't see written anywhere), that was tacked on for a Saturday. But that didn't deter me. At $30 a head and additional $375 was more than a value for what we were getting, and definitely didn't break our budget. Anyway we could always have it on a Sunday morning, which FH wasn't opposed to, though it would be hard getting someone to preside over our wedding.

Another drawback was setting up. We wouldn't be allowed to set up the night before, so either the site coordinator or someone would have to go in and set up a couple of hours before. And since we are having a morning wedding that would be a big task. I'd prefer to set up by myself because I trust my own judgment but for sanity sake I can't be in two places at once and have to simply trust that it will be taken care of. It will be my responsibility to make sure that I provide exact photos of what I am looking to accomplish so that whoever does it will get it close, if not perfect.

I was surprised that they had so few photos of actual weddings though, which was a slight disappointment. The other big plus was that the bakery that I'd be working with to get the cake, was where my aunt had purchased many cakes  in the past, so I felt really good about that.

Overall, this place is still definitely my number one choice. I love the atmosphere, the fact that it overlooks the river and is tucked away, it's small and quaint, affordable, serves brunch (breakfast is our FAV meal) and has a wonderful backdrop for photographs (a HUGE factor). Despite my itch to really nail down the deposit and a date, I refrained from doing so, heeding my mother's suggestion that I should seriously sit down and meet with a few other places, just to see if there was anything additional that they could offer.

Although I had only one appointment today, my aunt and I went to David's Bridal to look around and just those two things alone completely drained me. It was a good move on my part to not schedule more than one appointment. And surprisingly I worked up a serious appetite. I can't wait to meet with the other places :D

Uh Oh...Money Woes

After having a long conversation with my aunt about possible restaurants where we can have our reception, then having a text conversation about my initial research on her recommendations, mid-stream I received a text from my FH. Puzzled, and partially excited (had he found someone offering to pay the other half of our budget, like my mom offered to pay the first half), I sent a text back.

He called a few minutes later wondering where our half of the $1500 was going to come from. I didn't lose patience with him. Obviously he was stressed out because we had spoken at 8:30 earlier and he was exhausted and ready to hit-the-sack. I gently reminded him that I owed him $400 and instead of giving it back to him I would put it toward our budget. Then I would take $1,100 from my refund (which I was originally going to put aside anyway for photography and my dress budget when we were aiming for a $8,000 wedding in November) and put that aside as well to meet our budget.  I reminded him that I would be starting work in a few days, and no longer needed to save that money toward our wedding––so even if we went over budget, we could still afford to, since I would put any extra money that I wasn't spending on bills, to put into savings.

I further reassured him that we could ask our family members to pay for certain aspects of the wedding––like the cake, limo, photography etc, as their gift to us. He said that even if we meet our budget, this will still be a good idea anyway. 

He seemed relieved. We continued our conversation and what it really boiled down to was that his recent pay increase wasn't nearly as much as he had hoped and he is really adamant about contributing to our wedding––so much so that when my mother wanted to pay for all of it he refused. I think he feels bad that he has a full-time job, I don't, yet he can't really contribute. I reminded him of what he has expressed to me continously over the last few weeks––in less than six months there is not going to be two separate budgets, but one budget where we both work together to help each other. He hesistantly agreed.

I think I kind of contributed to his stress from earlier by telling him that he needed to start thinking about what his next career move was, because us getting a place together was contingent upon that. Oops! I didn't mean to scare him, I was simply uncertain about being married but having to live apart for awhile (we live 90 minutes away from each other).

I am not one of those insecure women who believes her man has to bring home all the bacon. It would be nice, but with our current financial situation, it is completely unrealistic. I am well aware of my FH's income and expenses and he barely supports himself––why should I expect him to magically be able to support me too, especially since there are so few job options in this economy? Yes, we both need to bring home more income, especially to raise a family in the future and settle down, but it won't happen overnight unless we are blessed with abundance. I am really glad to be the secure woman that I am and be able to provide the reassurance my FH needs when he's feeling insecure and/or uncertain. I wish I knew more women who do the same.

Brides: The New Surfer Dudettes

Being a Cali girl, I quickly realized that you can't really surf in the Atlantic Ocean, hence why I am so surprised to find myself riding a monstrous Pacific-ocean wave––also known as wedding planning. Ah the woes of riding the waves total excitement to total dismay when you find something really great, then realize that:

a. it's just ain't gonna happen (excuse my English)
b. it simply doesn't exist
c. it will cost you an arm...a leg...a foot...
d. it was never a practical idea to begin with

I am definitely feeling the woes of "d." Let me back track a little bit. This week I have been SO thrilled when I discovered that the venue of my dreams was now affordable because of our extra small entourage (a.k.a. guest list of 25).  It solved the problem of parking (HUGE Philly problem), taking photos, and being in close proximity of the ceremony site. Plus only $100 deposit and required AND they had a brunch option. Fast forward to a couple of hours ago when I called the venue back to square out some important questions including would they have space to set up a buffet in the room. And the answer was NO––the room was too small .

Why do I insist on having a buffet instead of a limited menu? First off because I LOVE buffets because of the variety, because you can go up for seconds thirds, etc, and probably most of all because you don't have to wait for your food to be prepared. I have been to my share of weddings where you had to wait between the reception and ceremony or actually wait for the food to be prepared. Waiting means grumbling stomach. Waiting means annoyance. Waiting means an unhappy grumpy bride. I have a bad history of becoming an all out pouting, growling, borderline-hypoglycemic, pathetic mess. My FH is not nearly as bad, but he does get really quiet and his energy drops as well.

After mourning the idea of the buffet, I reviewed the menu again and frowned again at the lunch menu (which is too ritzy and "stuff" for me), then looked at the brunch banquet again, trying to conjure up a plan. After talking to my mother she said that it was best to be creative and ask a lot of questions about my options. She also said that I really need to make other appointments as well.

Feeling a little better, I realized that I was only severely disappointed because I had the wrong expectation. An ultra small room could never hold a full buffet. Lesson learned. So I will have to opt for the limited menu (a few choices for the guests to choose from) with pasteries served while we are waiting for the food to be made. Not ideal, but better then my sugar levels plummeting.

Wedding Color Scheme - Purple and Teal Part 2

After a intensive obsessed six hour session at my aunt's apartment (instead of going to Michael's as originally planned) I came up with a more detailed color scheme and coordination for my wedding party. Here goes:

My general idea for my dress:

 

Bridal accessories:

 

And finally my maid of honor stuff.

 

 I really LOVE the vivid colors and I hope everything pans out the way that I plan, or at least pretty close to it. I didn't do a reception collage because I am still not sure what types of decorations could be available. I am thinking of using teal chair covers and linens with splashes of purple. I will also incorporate metallics and silvers as well. I am SO excited.

Now to start this dress shopping thing. I hope to go to my first bridal show this weekend and start dress shopping this week. In the next month or so, I also hope to hit NYC for the dress hunt as well. My dress find will determine which dress my maid of honor receives. I can't wait!

Wedding Color Scheme - Purple and Teal

So since me and the Future Hubby (FH) decide to move our date up to May/June, I have been feeling queasy about the color scheme that I chose. Originally were going to marry in the fall because we both love the fall colors, fell in love in the fall, and it reflects the colors of my ring. The last few days I have had to mourn the idea of having our first reception in the fall (hopefully we can do our larger reception a couple of years from now in October/November) and thus mourning the death of my original color scheme shown below:

RIP fall colors. This goes to show that you should never get so caught up in a decision during wedding planning that you can't change it when something major changes (like the date and season!)

So I was up last night into the wee hours of the morning compiling a totally different color scheme. I also had ideas about the wedding invitations so I came used the color scheme to come up with an idea for those as well. See my musings below:

For the invites I tried them with three different colored envelopes and I also tried two types of the envelope backs. As you see, the actual invite will be layered according to the upper left hand corner of the picture. The circular thing on the top of the invite is supposed to be a rhinestone ribbon slider/buckle. Last night I was up late trying to price these––they will that least cost $20 which already blows my entire budget if I try to stick around only $20, and almost half my budget if I try to stick under $50. So I am deciding that maybe I should just go for colored card stock and get the textured look for adding mini purple and teal flower sliders with rhinestones that I will create by hand (after all I only have to create 25 invitations at the most).  Here is one example of a fabric flower i found on etsy:

I would like a rhinestone to it like in this pic:

 

And I would like the flower layered and sized like this in this pic:

I also perused the net last night trying to find teal satin or ribbed/textured paper. I didn't even find anything close. I am now thinking about perhaps going to Home Depot or Lowe's to seek out textured wall papers if those exist. I will of course check paper specialty stores and the scrapbooking sections of the crafts stores as well. I am going to check out Michael's today to see what I can find :-)

The African-American Married Life

There is a great documentary out called Happily Ever After that is a collage of good marriages and positive images of marriage in the black community. Check it out and support by clicking here.

Premartial Counseling

Essence featured a great article on how to make your marriage work. Click here to view it.

Are Diamonds Really Forever? - Diamond Alternatives

Most of my life I dreamed about the ridiculous $100,000 wedding and obnoxious engagement ring to the point that I actually added "huge engagement" ring to my list of things I wanted to accomplish during my lifetime. Of course I want to puke today at the thought of such frivolousness.

Two years ago I realized my greatly increased level of maturity when I told the Future Hubby (FH) that I didn't want a diamond, they were too expensive, and the diamond that I wanted would cost too much anyway. What I didn't say is that we were both poor and in an obscene amount of debt in which neither of us had a firm grasp on.

I was fortunate enough to have the FH even ask me in the first place what I desired. He was too afraid to get me the wrong thing because I am SO particular. Inspired by the imperial garnet and citrine butterfly pendant I saw in the display case, I decided to model my ring after that. I LOVED fall colors, plus we fell in love during the fall. So we spent an hour or so at the Zales Outlet while I flipped through a custom design book to select a setting. Surprisingly enough I chose a gold ring because I thought the colors would look best (I actually prefer silver). The best thing about it was that it cost less than $600, it was unique, and it had meaning.

Many times the FH asked me if I was sure I didn't want a diamond. A few weeks before we proposed we had an argument about it again because he asked if I wanted a diamond and I told him only if he wanted to get me one. Interestingly enough, I did find a silver antique ring that I fell in love with that cost about the same as my ring. But he didn't want to get a new ring after all. It turns out that he just wanted to make sure I was happy with the one I selected, and that I wouldn't frown upon it.

Source

Our second discussion revolved around what people would think. Would my family and other people think he was just being cheap and didn't think I was good enough for a diamond? Did I think I wasn't good enough for a diamond? Would people frown and look down upon it? Our conversation took a turn for the positive when I said that even if it was a diamond, then people would ask how could we afford something like that? We both decided that at the end of the day, no matter what anyone else said or thought, we both had to live with our decision--especially if it came back to bite us financially. It was our family. It was our future. It was about what we were building together. It was about building a marriage on more than just early possessions.

What is a diamond if your relationship doesn't last forever--financially, spiritually, emotionally etc? What is the point? Why should we get a diamond? Is it just for "show"? Is it just for tradition? Whatever your reason, I ask you to challenge it.

Okay. Enough of the lecture. Let's explore some diamond alternatives:

Birth stone engagement rings
Whether it's his, yours or a combo, using your birth stone servers as a double duty--the celebration of your life, and the celebration of your life together.

 

 

Antique Wedding Rings
Whether you find an actual antique ring at a pawn shop and/or estate sale or whether you simply aim for an antique look, you are many save money selecting this style.

Source

Unique Stones
Why not stand out from the crowd and wow them with these less common stones? (featured London Blue Topaz, Spessartite Garnet, Tanzanite and Rhodolite Garnet)

 

Cool Philly Reception Venues

Briefly looking through the content of major wedding websites and magazines and , and a collage of other wedding sites, all show mostly out-of-range venues that cater to the average wedding budget of $30,000. Seriously? These prices are especially in this economy that is (still) staggering in man yeconomic crisis.

On my initial search for a venue, I became extremely discouraged with trying to book a place around $30 a head/plate––it seemed like Mission Impossible until I used my brain to search for unlikely venues and even expensive ones that made me cringe when the normal bill came, let alone the wedding bill. Surprisingly enough, I found a couple of affordable waterfront and expensive places that became very affordable. And what I also decided upon my initial research is that I would be able to afford an all inclusive package (that included wedding cake, decorations, center pieces, a dj etc) up to $50 a head/plate if I kept my head count less than 100 people. Here are some cool places I came up with:

Cavanaugh's River Deck - American
This restaurant is right on the Delaware River, has great food, and a wonderful, lively atmosphere. It may be a little rustic for a super formal wedding, but could probably fit almost any occasion––best of all it is SUPER affordable. The great part is that it is covered so you will be sheltered from the rain. The only downside is that they are only open during the summer months, if you are planning a wedding off-season. Also, it tends to be a club/bar/dance club at night, so you will want to book it earlier before the happy-hour crowd.
Website: http://www.theriverdeck.com/sit-down.asp

La Veranda Ristorante - Italian
Although I have never tried the food, I have passed by this restaurant plenty of times on my adventures to the water front. This is a great alternative to the ritzy places like the Moshulu.
Website: http://www.laverandapier3.com/banquet.htm

Temptations Jazz Club, Restaurant, & Banquet Hall - Soul Food
The website does not do justice to the beautiful restaurant's interior which includes a stage and bar. This is a perfect setting for a medium-sized group. The best thing about this location is that for larger groups, there is an adjacent banquet hall. Their wedding package seems pricey but includes EVERYTHING. The owner is friendly. The ambiance is wonderful and you don't have to worry about parking.
Website: https://www.temptationsgourmet.net/Event_Menus.html

Maggiano's - Italian
Ever since I attended my former employer's department dinner banquet, I have been enamored with Maggiano's. The food is rich and decadent and the atmosphere is relaxed. The best part is that there are two locations: one is the suburbs, that is recommended for larger groups, and the one in center city for groups as small as 20. You may opt for family-style or buffet. They have excellent brunch and lunch prices. Dinner prices aren't too bad if you forgo the alcohol. Plus the banquet planners are prompt with their follow up and sending you information.
Website: http://www.maggianos.com/default.asp

Germantown Church of the Brethren Fellowship Hall
This is a great small quaint hall, recently renovated and on Germantown Church of the Brethren church grounds. It is located in Mount Airy at 6601 Germantown Avenue and rates a few hundred dollars. The Pastor there is African-American from Ghana and is friendly and warm. The is a kitchen available to cook in or you will have to bring in a caterer as well as your own decorations. There is no alcohol allowed, as it is faith based. If you are interested contact RuNett Ebo Gray at 215-495-8679 or 215-438-1809.

Spamps Restaurant
Don't let the name puzzle you before you recognize the wonderful and eclectic decor and the lovely atmosphere. The food rocks and the whole Conshohocken neighborhood gives it a quaint feeling. What I love about this place is that it is out of the way and has a private upstairs room.
Website: http://www.spampsrestaurant.com/private.html

10 easy ways to slash your wedding budget

1. Have your wedding off-season.
I know you’ve probably heard of it before but it is so true. If you can, simply avoid getting married May to September, the busiest months. Make sure you avoid scheduling around holidays, though. Many companies and people have holiday parties and that can cause your prices to sky rocket and your options to be limited.

2. Have your wedding on a Friday or Sunday.
Many places will give you a bargain deal. But remember that if you have a lot of out-of-town guests, they may not appreciate having to take a Monday off to fly home. Also, I attended a Sunday evening wedding, which was very annoying because I had to turn around and go to work the next day. Keep those factors in mind.

3. Cut your guest list.
If you are being charged per plate/head, then the quickest way in some cases is to reduce your guest list. Keep in mind that there is no law that says you can’t have a small celebration now, and a bigger one in a few months or even a year or two after your big day. This may not always work though, as some places require a minimum head count or spend amount. In those situations still reduce your head count, but find another venue.

4. Have Brunch or Lunch instead of Dinner.
When I shopped around for a reception location, I found that places generally charged $10 to $20 more for dinner than for lunch or brunch. If you choose this option, make sure you know find out what restrictions they have on the hours. Many places stop serving lunch between 3 and 4 p.m..

5. Eliminate the Alcoholic Beverages.
Having an open bar or free alcoholic beverages can inflate your price per head/plate exorbitantly. Many “wedding packages” include this expense increasing the cost to and additional $20 to $50+ a head/plate. Also, keep in mind that the alcohol may have its own tax which increases the bill further. You could still keep the champagne toast and not break the bank. If you want to forgo the alcohol altogether, think of having sparkling grape juice or sparkling apple cider for your toast.

6. Look for all inclusive packages.
Try to look for package deals that include everything: food, beverage, decorations, flowers, linens etc. If possible, also try to find an in-house coordinator that can assist you in the process. This may save you tons. And best of all, you’ll have less stress trying to find a separate florist, bakery, and interior design specialist. Of course you should also ask to see pictures of previous events and ask for food and cake samples to ensure that your packaged deal doesn’t become a package nightmare.

7. DIY - Do-it-yourself.
With the Internet and television, you can virtually learn to make and do anything for yourself. This is a growing trend in the wedding industry, especially in tough economic times and people generally being sick of being over-charged for an item just because it has the word “wedding” associated with it. A number of projects include center pieces, veils, bouquets, food, desserts etc. Just make sure that if you choose to do anything yourself (or if you choose friends or family to do it for you), that the amount of stress and trouble doesn’t exceed the peace found in just purchasing the item/service. Sometimes intensive cooking could have be avoided with quality store-brought food. Also, make sure that you always have a back-up plan and/or budget and extra time just in case things don’t work out.

8. Seek out free venues.
What places can you rent dirt-cheap or don’t have to rent at all? It could be a family or friend’s home, a church hall, a club/center hall in which you are a member of, a college/university site, a park etc. Try to think of creative places where you can have your event. Keep in mind that some places like a park or someone’s house may require that you hire a caterer, tent, etc. If that becomes overwhelming, continue to seek out restaurants and other places.

9. Buy or rent a used or discounted/out-of-season wedding dress OR formal gown.
I know, this doesn’t fit every woman’s wedding dream, but sometimes the gown of your dreams is an added expense that just can’t be accommodated. Many people only wear the dress once anyway, so why deal with the stress of paying full price. If that option freaks you out (as it did with the FH when I suggested it for myself), then seek out formal gowns and evening wear that aren’t slapped with the “wedding” label, often making them much more affordable. Look at department stores that often have sales and dresses prices a few hundred dollars or much less.

10. Have the ceremony and reception at the same site.
For those who are adamant about getting married in a traditional church/temple/religious setting, you may be able to save a ton on exchanged vows at your reception site. Some places have packages allowing for this, so it may be good to take advantage of it. The great part about it, is that there is no need for limos to transport between sites. The only thing is being aware that it is awkward to invite people to the wedding if they aren’t also invited to the reception since it is at the same place. Also, you want to make sure there the site has good spots to take pictures.

Keeping these things in mind can help you set a realistic wedding budget without breaking the bank.


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Marquita Bell is the founder and product developer for The Body Buffet and lead photographer for Divine Image Photography. When she isn’t making soap or editing pictures, she is practicing more simplistic, sustainable, natural, greener living from food to spending habits. She loves sharing her frugal and simplistic adventures in hopes of inspiring others to improve their overall health and wellbeing for themselves, others, and the environment. In her spare time she enjoys refuting the term tree-hugger (how her best friend labels her) and explaining how she likes to “flirt” with veganism.

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