Just when I thought the cost was clear, earlier this week FH put another thorn in my side––he decided to invite his six cousins after all. DOH! I asked him a series of questions to make sure it wasn't him just folding under pressure, but he seemed to have thought it through and came to a reasonable decision. He said that even if they didn't come (especially since his one cousin just had a baby), it would still be good to invite them.
I cringed a little bit. While I love his cousins, the thought of adding five more people maxes out our guest list (I really wanted to leave a couple extra seats just in case, particularly for our officiant). Also, I liked the idea of less people, only because the room is so small. So instead of being cozy, it looks like it is going to be snug. Also, that means that I will have to account for at least three more invites, which doesn't seem like a lot, but it is if I plan on making them by hand. The funny part is that the extra costs ($30 x 5 =$150), didn't alarm me at all. It is just that with five extra guests I would have to be mindful of the additions effecting things like the number of place cards, favors etc.
On the other hand I am glad we are maxed out, because it means that we can't possibly invite anyone else, which makes it even easier to say no, since it's just not possible. It turns out that booking a small venue helps alleviate some of the common planning pressures after all. I think I will feel better about the people who aren't coming when we have more of an idea of how to include them later.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Guest List Wars: Part 1
After putting a deposit down a couple of weeks ago, FH and I made phone calls to our family members to inform them of our date. FH unfortunately got corned for four hours by his mother who asked a bunch of questions the groom is likely not well-versed on (like a theme, colors, etc). Also, FH being the nice guy that he is, felt overwhelmed when his mother questioned him about why he wasn't inviting his cousins and trying to guilt trip him because his cousins were like siblings and didn't really have other family (with one of their mother passed away, and their dad MIA). Ironically enough, I originally asked FH the same thing, but we decided that if we invited his closest cousins, we would be obligated to invite mine, especially since my cousins would actually be in town, while his would have to travel to get here.
His mother also was adamant about having a gathering at her house that afternoon for lunch, since our festivities would be so early and people would have the rest of the day available. FH being the nice guy, didn't make any decisions, and said that he would have to clear it with me––which translated into me having to call his mother. Awkward. FH even begged me to handle it, because it was all too overwhelming (which I thought was extra cute because he has never begged for anything). So I did it. I call my future mother-in-law.
At first I was excited at the possibility of perhaps having a bigger celebration at her house with all the family that we couldn't invite, but it turns out that she wanted to do something very minimal (so much for that!). I explained the whole guest list situation as well and how our venue only held so many people, which she seemed to understand. I also explained that we weren't requesting our families, particularly our parents to wear our specific colors (I could care less about that, particularly since our guest list is less than 30 people anyway), which she also seemed please about.
So the fire was extinguished and FH and I were both smiling again, and relieved that we were able to stick to our decisions, and be okay with them. I am worried about having to tell my mother's family that they are invited to a later celebration. This is why I want to get our other celebration listed on the calendar as soon as possible, but until we really know our budget after the wedding that just isn't possible.
I was able to break the news to my former pastor who lives in California. I was relieved when she said she wasn't sure that they could make it anyway on such short notice. She did express that she wanted to still receive an invite for a memento. Now that was doable.
His mother also was adamant about having a gathering at her house that afternoon for lunch, since our festivities would be so early and people would have the rest of the day available. FH being the nice guy, didn't make any decisions, and said that he would have to clear it with me––which translated into me having to call his mother. Awkward. FH even begged me to handle it, because it was all too overwhelming (which I thought was extra cute because he has never begged for anything). So I did it. I call my future mother-in-law.
At first I was excited at the possibility of perhaps having a bigger celebration at her house with all the family that we couldn't invite, but it turns out that she wanted to do something very minimal (so much for that!). I explained the whole guest list situation as well and how our venue only held so many people, which she seemed to understand. I also explained that we weren't requesting our families, particularly our parents to wear our specific colors (I could care less about that, particularly since our guest list is less than 30 people anyway), which she also seemed please about.
So the fire was extinguished and FH and I were both smiling again, and relieved that we were able to stick to our decisions, and be okay with them. I am worried about having to tell my mother's family that they are invited to a later celebration. This is why I want to get our other celebration listed on the calendar as soon as possible, but until we really know our budget after the wedding that just isn't possible.
I was able to break the news to my former pastor who lives in California. I was relieved when she said she wasn't sure that they could make it anyway on such short notice. She did express that she wanted to still receive an invite for a memento. Now that was doable.
Second Go-See
The only hang-up I had was that we had a bad experience within the park (not at the actual venue). To make a long story short, we ended up having a huge blow-up argument and I left him where he was in the park without a cell phone or money (which I wasn't aware of at the time. It turns out he left everything in my car). About five hours later, after I frantically searched for him and it grew dark, he arrived at my aunt's apartment (a couple of miles away), dehydrated (majorly bad since he is a diabetic) and drenched in sweat. Still to this day I have never been able to live it down (and my family even teases me!). And while we have been to the park a couple of other times and have good memories, of course the bad and the ugly trumps them all. So needless to say, I was a bit nervous.
He checked out the inside and outside and seemed pleased. I secretly breathed a sigh of relief. He wanted to sit on a bench overlooking the river, ducks, and geese. Although it was a bit chilly, and the trees were bare, it was still a beautiful park even in the winter. For the first time, as we sat in silence, I noticed the sound of the river and thought about how pleasant that would be on our wedding day.
Then a woman walked by with a nice camera. I stopped her and asked if she took wedding photos, but it turns out that she was just a student, barely learning the ropes. She did, however, give us an impromptu engagement shoot as we sat on the bench. She had to take portraits for her class assignment, and we became her perfect muse. She gave us her e-mail so that we could get the pics later (we are still waiting for them), so hopefully we we get to see them, even if they don't turn out so well.
So all turned out well, plus the added bonus of a photo shoot. I am glad that we can check the biggest item off our list and finally set a date. I am also glad for the opportunity to "redeem" myself in the form of exchanging vows and promising to never leave. In that aspect I am glad we will be able to trump an awful experience with a wonderful one.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Dress Shopping - Finding "the one"
I don't have an enchanting story about finding "the dress." Maybe it would be a more emotional story if my mother had been there or if my aunt and cousin started balling (I made sure that they didn't), or maybe if the dress was the most important thing on my check-off list. Even when I had a larger budget, the dress wasn't the most important thing to me––if you recall from an earlier post, I was all ready to rent my dress but FH was totally opposed. So now that my budget became even smaller, it became all about finding the one that fits everything––my budget and me.
I decided to start out with David's Bridal since they are very reasonable with their prices and I saw quite a few styles that I liked in their catalog. We were a little early for our appointment so we spent a few minutes looking at bridesmaids dresses. Then Erin greeted us, and seemed friendly enough. We sat down and I showed her the dresses that my aunt and I marked off from DB's catalog and she whisked dresses in and I began to try them on.
The first time I looked at myself in a gown I was baffled. I guess that while I daydreamed about getting married, looking stunning, the whole nine yards, I never actually saw myself in a dress or really any dress. I wear so few dresses, particularly formal ones, that I never really thought about how I would look. So when I saw myself it was a little weird, and to make it even stranger, I was wearing a strapless dress which did nothing for my figure (I looked fat! The worse!). Erin saw that I totally wasn't feeling the strapless and opted for sleeves from then on.
I also wasn't feeling the "poofy" skirt––I wanted to steer clear of too much fabric, particularly when it came to the train. I also was a HUGE fan of cap sleeves until I saw them in action (POUT!).
I loved the simplicity of this dress (see below) but it just didn't do it for me. My cousin came up with the perfect rating for the dresses, stolen from Coldstone's sizes: "Like it," "Love it," or "Gotta Have It." This was barely on the like it scale.
We did figure out that I really like the v-neck (which I always enjoy because it accentuates the right places. Then we tried mixed the cap sleeves with the regular sleeves. This was probably one of the worse ones I tried on (see below). This was definitely a hot mess.
Next up was opting for a halter top, which I was initially a HUGE fan of. But it was a bit much (too sexy) for my wedding day. Plus I didn't like the large jewels.
The next dress was the definitely almost the icing on the cake. And it was the first time I considered a longer veil (I was originally just going to do a birdcage veil). It was gorgeous!
The next dress was also a close call too, I just didn't like how the halter part of it sat so high. You can see how I added the brooch as an accent to the dress, which I really liked.
Hmmm...this off the shoulder dress looked almost identical to the dress in one of my collages. I toyed around the the prospect of this one.
My face lit up when they laced it up in the back so that it fit more snugly. Surprisingly enough I wasn't into laced backing (or whatever it's called) but it worked for me because it really gave the dress shape.
So this is the dress. I opted for the other veil so that I could incorporate color into my dress. In the pic it's red, but I ordered it in lilac.
The greatest part about it is that I met my budget of $300. The original price was $350, so I received $50 off. I did break the bank on the veil––a whopping $179. I know that it competes with the price of the dress, but it is a splurge that i didn't mind taking because it was one of the veils that I probably wouldn't be able to DIY, so I decided that it was a good investment. I did end up getting the undergarments and shoes from them as well. So my total ended up being $626.
Another pleasant surprise was that my aunt strong armed my dad to pay for everything. YAY! I will still have to pay for the alterations (mostly in the sleeves) and cleaning, so I will have to research my options (I hear DB is a bit pricey when it comes to that stuff).
What I LOVED about dress shopping was the undergarments. They felt so comfy and snug that I almost felt comfortable enough to wear them as outer wear!
The unfortunate thing about the whole day was coming home to find out that FH hit a deer :-(. I am glad he is okay. His car wasn't destroyed (thank God for older vehicles that are still made of steel). I was really sad that I didn't get him to tell him that I found the dress (is that selfish?). I was also sad because it is another expense out of his already small budget that may come out of our photog budget.
Despite the bad news, I am still relatively happy to get a major item checked off my list. Tomorrow I get to check off the venue, and hopefully the photography in a couple of weeks. YAY!
I decided to start out with David's Bridal since they are very reasonable with their prices and I saw quite a few styles that I liked in their catalog. We were a little early for our appointment so we spent a few minutes looking at bridesmaids dresses. Then Erin greeted us, and seemed friendly enough. We sat down and I showed her the dresses that my aunt and I marked off from DB's catalog and she whisked dresses in and I began to try them on.
The first time I looked at myself in a gown I was baffled. I guess that while I daydreamed about getting married, looking stunning, the whole nine yards, I never actually saw myself in a dress or really any dress. I wear so few dresses, particularly formal ones, that I never really thought about how I would look. So when I saw myself it was a little weird, and to make it even stranger, I was wearing a strapless dress which did nothing for my figure (I looked fat! The worse!). Erin saw that I totally wasn't feeling the strapless and opted for sleeves from then on.
I also wasn't feeling the "poofy" skirt––I wanted to steer clear of too much fabric, particularly when it came to the train. I also was a HUGE fan of cap sleeves until I saw them in action (POUT!).
I loved the simplicity of this dress (see below) but it just didn't do it for me. My cousin came up with the perfect rating for the dresses, stolen from Coldstone's sizes: "Like it," "Love it," or "Gotta Have It." This was barely on the like it scale.
We did figure out that I really like the v-neck (which I always enjoy because it accentuates the right places. Then we tried mixed the cap sleeves with the regular sleeves. This was probably one of the worse ones I tried on (see below). This was definitely a hot mess.
Next up was opting for a halter top, which I was initially a HUGE fan of. But it was a bit much (too sexy) for my wedding day. Plus I didn't like the large jewels.
The next dress was the definitely almost the icing on the cake. And it was the first time I considered a longer veil (I was originally just going to do a birdcage veil). It was gorgeous!
The next dress was also a close call too, I just didn't like how the halter part of it sat so high. You can see how I added the brooch as an accent to the dress, which I really liked.
Hmmm...this off the shoulder dress looked almost identical to the dress in one of my collages. I toyed around the the prospect of this one.
My face lit up when they laced it up in the back so that it fit more snugly. Surprisingly enough I wasn't into laced backing (or whatever it's called) but it worked for me because it really gave the dress shape.
So this is the dress. I opted for the other veil so that I could incorporate color into my dress. In the pic it's red, but I ordered it in lilac.
The greatest part about it is that I met my budget of $300. The original price was $350, so I received $50 off. I did break the bank on the veil––a whopping $179. I know that it competes with the price of the dress, but it is a splurge that i didn't mind taking because it was one of the veils that I probably wouldn't be able to DIY, so I decided that it was a good investment. I did end up getting the undergarments and shoes from them as well. So my total ended up being $626.
Another pleasant surprise was that my aunt strong armed my dad to pay for everything. YAY! I will still have to pay for the alterations (mostly in the sleeves) and cleaning, so I will have to research my options (I hear DB is a bit pricey when it comes to that stuff).
What I LOVED about dress shopping was the undergarments. They felt so comfy and snug that I almost felt comfortable enough to wear them as outer wear!
The unfortunate thing about the whole day was coming home to find out that FH hit a deer :-(. I am glad he is okay. His car wasn't destroyed (thank God for older vehicles that are still made of steel). I was really sad that I didn't get him to tell him that I found the dress (is that selfish?). I was also sad because it is another expense out of his already small budget that may come out of our photog budget
Despite the bad news, I am still relatively happy to get a major item checked off my list. Tomorrow I get to check off the venue, and hopefully the photography in a couple of weeks. YAY!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Mini-Moon
When I first heard the term it was much like brides-to-be using the term "STD" freely (which is save-the-dates if you don't know). The funny thing is that my plan for our honey moon happened to be a mini-moon, before I even knew the proper term. A mini-moon is basically a scaled back honeymoon that is just a couple of days rather than a week or more and costs a heck-of-a-lot less.
A mini-moon is budget friendly, since you will only have to miss a couple of days of work and you skip the cost of week-long expenses. Apparently this is becoming more and more popular during this economic crisis, and as couples hold off to save up for the honeymoon of their dreams. The cool thing about the mini-moon is that you can still take off a week for vacation time from work, only have a couple of days out of town, then spend the rest of the time home, resting, settling into your place as a married couple.
The other great thing about the mini-moon is that if your families want to contribute to your wedding, but can't pay for an extravagant trip, they could fit all or a good part of the bill since it will only be a few hundred dollars (if that much).
A mini-moon doesn't even have to be out of town. You can easily rent a suite in an upscale part of town and splurge on room service, the spa, and great restaurants. Just as long as you are away from your normal stresses and can enjoy one another, a mini-moon can basically be anywhere.
I am not sure where our mini-moon will be. FH really wants to be at a beach, and I want to go where I haven't been yet. We are thinking Florida might be the best route, and perhaps California. Of course my opinions may change in the next couple of months as we finalize our plans. I guess I am not so particular about where we go, just that we are together, having fun, and enjoying each other as newly weds.
I do have ideas about our future honeymoon though. After seeing the movie A Good Woman (?? I think), I fell in LOVE with the Amalfi located in Italy. I am also enamored with Fiji, Greece, and the Dominican Republic. Another romantic thing to do would be spending a week in the mountains in a cabin. There is still so much of the world to see, and I am excited about seeing it with FH :-).
The other great thing about the mini-moon is that if your families want to contribute to your wedding, but can't pay for an extravagant trip, they could fit all or a good part of the bill since it will only be a few hundred dollars (if that much).
A mini-moon doesn't even have to be out of town. You can easily rent a suite in an upscale part of town and splurge on room service, the spa, and great restaurants. Just as long as you are away from your normal stresses and can enjoy one another, a mini-moon can basically be anywhere.
I am not sure where our mini-moon will be. FH really wants to be at a beach, and I want to go where I haven't been yet. We are thinking Florida might be the best route, and perhaps California. Of course my opinions may change in the next couple of months as we finalize our plans. I guess I am not so particular about where we go, just that we are together, having fun, and enjoying each other as newly weds.
I do have ideas about our future honeymoon though. After seeing the movie A Good Woman (?? I think), I fell in LOVE with the Amalfi located in Italy. I am also enamored with Fiji, Greece, and the Dominican Republic. Another romantic thing to do would be spending a week in the mountains in a cabin. There is still so much of the world to see, and I am excited about seeing it with FH :-).
Sunday, January 17, 2010
First Bride Meltdown
I mentioned before that FH lives 90 minutes away from me, which is already stressful enough since we only get to see each other once a week, if that much. Compound that problem with wedding planning. Compound that problem with trying to get premarital counseling.
Last night I became really overwhelmed when we extensively discussed who our officiant would be, and who would provide premarital counseling. I felt like this was an inappropriate conversation to have since we rarely see each other and it was a conversation that we could have over the phone. Also, the conversation was stressful after going non-stop all week regarding the reception, photography, and wedding party wear only to spend time with FH trying to perfect yet another detail.
On top of that, although I find premarital counseling a very important detail, it is really not first one my list. My primary objectives before the semester begins is securing our venue (setting the date in stone), finding a dress, and finding the photographer. I feel like once those things fall in place, I can worry about the other important details like premarital counseling, my hair and make up, invites, menu details, etc.
And finally the real nail in the coffin is the difficulty in finding premarital counseling with a spiritual component from someone who can also do our ceremony and can meet on Saturday mornings (since FH's schedule is crazy, we live 90 minutes part, and I will be working and going to school).
I finally said to FH, "I have too many other things to think about!"
He responded "Fine! Then I'll take care of it then. I will call someone on Monday to inquire."
Despite still feeling overwhelmed, I never felt so relieved. It was one less thing I had to research and worry about. Plus because he works in counseling as a profession, he is very particular about credentials and experience––so this is right up his alley.
While the counseling is important to me, it isn't a priority right now––I know it sounds sad, especially since FH is all about building a marriage for a lifetime rather than investing into a single wedding day. But the reality is, he's not going to plan it (he simply doesn't have internet access at his place, and well, he's a guy––why should he burdened with satin teal or purple placemats?), my mom is also too busy (and would be too stressed anyway), I don't really want a planner because I am a HUGE micro manager as far as details, and our wedding is going to be in less than six months (which requires great speed and precision).
Now that I have one meltdown under my belt, hopefully I will see the next one creeping up for next time (sigh of relief!).
Last night I became really overwhelmed when we extensively discussed who our officiant would be, and who would provide premarital counseling. I felt like this was an inappropriate conversation to have since we rarely see each other and it was a conversation that we could have over the phone. Also, the conversation was stressful after going non-stop all week regarding the reception, photography, and wedding party wear only to spend time with FH trying to perfect yet another detail.
On top of that, although I find premarital counseling a very important detail, it is really not first one my list. My primary objectives before the semester begins is securing our venue (setting the date in stone), finding a dress, and finding the photographer. I feel like once those things fall in place, I can worry about the other important details like premarital counseling, my hair and make up, invites, menu details, etc.
I finally said to FH, "I have too many other things to think about!"
He responded "Fine! Then I'll take care of it then. I will call someone on Monday to inquire."
Despite still feeling overwhelmed, I never felt so relieved. It was one less thing I had to research and worry about. Plus because he works in counseling as a profession, he is very particular about credentials and experience––so this is right up his alley.
While the counseling is important to me, it isn't a priority right now––I know it sounds sad, especially since FH is all about building a marriage for a lifetime rather than investing into a single wedding day. But the reality is, he's not going to plan it (he simply doesn't have internet access at his place, and well, he's a guy––why should he burdened with satin teal or purple placemats?), my mom is also too busy (and would be too stressed anyway), I don't really want a planner because I am a HUGE micro manager as far as details, and our wedding is going to be in less than six months (which requires great speed and precision).
Now that I have one meltdown under my belt, hopefully I will see the next one creeping up for next time (sigh of relief!).
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Wedding Planning: Helpful Websites & Software
Firefox Web browser: I am absolutely addicted to the tabs feature which allows you to have multiple web pages open in one window. You can quickly switch back and forth for comparing vendors, themes, etc. The best part about it is that if you eyes get weary, you can exit out of the program and save all of your tabs so that they will appear again when you reopen the browser. Another great feature is that you can bookmark pages (make them "favorites" as it is known for other browsers), add tags (search terms that will help you find the pages later), and a bookmark and history search feature that makes it easier to find the web pages you have visited. I only started using the tags a couple of weeks into my research and wish that I had made better use of this sooner! I am not certain about features for the other browsers but I am definitely sold on this one.
Keynote (like PowerPoint but for Mac): This is a great program to click and drag (or copy and paste) web images onto a page and organize them into a collage. You can have an unlimited amount of slides. I have created multiple files with slides reserved for different topics like a file for bridal gowns, another for reception themes, another for wedding party etc. The great thing is that you can export the file as a PDF allowing you to e-mail it to friends, family, and your wedding party. It is also a fairly good program to use if you don't have Adobe InDesign and you want to compile a save-the-date and/or invites and other cool things.
Adobe InDesign & Illustrator: My other heavy addictions––InDesign can be used as a great collage maker as well. This is one of the most flexible programs for designing almost anything you can imagine in terms of invites, save-the-dates, ceremony programs––anything your heart can dream up. This program Illustrator works great with InDesign and creates great graphics to use in your InDesign creations. You can export your Illustrator creations as regular jpegs, png, gif, etc files so that the graphics can be e-mailed, uploaded to the web, or used in other programs.
Google: Although Google, in my opinion, not as brilliant in search results as it was five years ago, it is still my primary search engine. The key to getting great search results is to try a variety to search terms to get the best results. For example I have been looking for affordable Philadelphia photographers. One of my first searches was "Philadelphia Photographers" which yielded the higher-cost photographers and very few websites I was actually interested in. I thought to do another search for students at area schools so I searched for "Philadelphia art institute + photojournalism." When you can maximize your creativity in which search terms you can research, you will maximize your results (or eliminate the unhelpful words). Another cool Google feature is the images search where you can search for images based upon color, which is great when you are seeking out items to match your color scheme.
Wedding Sites (like Brides.com, Theknot.com, DavidsBridals.com etc): These sites are not only great for getting ideas, but they also have their own bookmark features where you can the save your inspiring findings without having to save them to a separate collage. I love this feature because it only takes a matter of logging in and clicking a simple link to save an image.
Etsy: This site is great for getting inspiration, finding supplies (particularly if you have a small scale DIY project), buying handmade/homemade/natural products, and getting great deals on jewelry, clothing, and your other wedding necessities. You can also find DIY templates and kits as well. The great part is that many of the artists and crafters ofter custom ordering, fulfilling your hearts desires. Sometimes I end up spending hours on this website alone, drooling over the possibilities.
Blogs: Whether you get attached to particular blogs or you start one of your own, both are useful and sometimes give you a much needed break from all the planning stuff. Starting your own blog makes it easier to upload pictures and share them with your friends and family (without having to send HUGE files).
Reading blogs is great for inspiration and finding brides who have the same struggles and frustrations you do. I have found blogs like:
- www.weddingbee.com
- www.apracticalwedding.com
- http://idoweddings.wordpress.com
- www.thebrokeassbride.com
Numbers (like Excel for Mac): This is a great program for compiling your guest lists, seating charts, and budget––and they great part about it is that you can include everything in one file on separate worksheets so that you don't go insane trying to track different file names. I have also used it to save different versions of our guest lists and seating charts within one file so that we have a running history of everything.
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